Make Up Your Own Damn Holiday

A glance at my calendar this morning alerted me that it is National Let’s Laugh Day. Who the hell came up with that? Even more suspect, who approves such things? When did all these National this and that days begin and why should I suddenly recognize your bizarre and lazily-named celebration of mediocrity?

At the risk of sounding like my father, people will celebrate anything these days. But, on the flip side, no one is celebrating anything anymore. How can both those statements be true?

First of all, we need to assign blame. My vote is for this guy: Marlo Anderson. Mr. Anderson (can you hear the Matrix-like mockery in my voice?) founded the National Day Calendar in 2013. And all one has to do to declare a day a holiday is to fill out a form on the website. That’s it. No act of Congress, no hearing, no checks or balances; just fill out a stupid form, and BOOM you have a holiday.

Here is where things get ugly. As a person, your holiday doesn’t matter. You have to be a company or an organization to get a holiday listed on this gatekeeper’s site. So no national day of anything but corporate greed for you.

So any evil organization (okay maybe a few good ones too) can apply for a holiday, but you as an individual get left floating alone in a sea of stupid “National this or that” days. Nope. Not gonna fly. Not on my watch.

Today is Down with National Days Day. It’s my holiday and I’m not submitting a form or asking for permission. It’s my own damn holiday. What’s yours?

May holidays began as celebrations of change. People reveled when the days started growing longer, when it was time for the harvest, or when the sun eclipsed the moon. These celebrations were adopted by religion to celebrate the birth or death of their Savior. Other celebrations were added to mark pivotal moments in history or to honor a group of people who sacrificed greatly. But now…there is a f$%#ing holiday to respect the lima bean (April 20). Seriously!? I think we’ve lost our way.

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