Trivial Pursuit

What happens when you lose your sunshine? When your light no longer glows with the fluorescent hues of you, what happens to you? Do traumatic experiences really corrupt our mental? Are they that detrimental to where we feel stagnant at times because getting over the pain or fear withholds us from our greater good? How is it some of us can face far greater pain and still smile while others wilt away at the thought of overcoming barriers? Why didn’t they tell us that after childhood adulthood is filled with endless obstacles while trying to counter resolutions to the best of our abilities? Why didn’t I take the meat out the fridge before I went to work? Why am I spending money on Seamless or better yet eating toast for dinner? My day to day is a struggle. It begins with my first alarm, it goes off at 6 am. I know I won’t wake up until 7:21 am but I try to give myself the benefit of the doubt that today will be the day I wake up at 6 am. Never happens and we’re off to a fresh start. Next alarm goes off at 6:30 am. I know I have less than an hour to get a bit more rest. Why do I hate waking up to go to work? I wake up at 7:21am every morning. With blurry eyes I glance at my phone. No missed calls. No text messages. If I posted something the day/night before I scroll through my social media outlets to see who liked or commented or if I’ve been reposted. I struggle to get out of the bed because I know deep inside I’m troubled with certain aspects of my life. I know that rent needs to be paid and if I want to keep my car in my possession I should go to work. I’m getting to the point where I’m ready to lose this structural battle and play my own game of life. I gather myself out of the bed, stretch, briefly thank God and step outside in my backyard for fresh air. I think of nothing. This is the one time my mind is blank and I am literally staring into the abyss. If only I could stay longer I would. I walk back in the house and begin to boil a pot of hot water to clear myself of last nights toxins. I mix in my tea packet and wait for it to cool. I do this every morning and only have time to take two sips. Three at most, but no more than that. I’m wearing my hair in its free natural state so I no longer have to battle with the flat or curling iron in the morning. I simply spray some water, twist a few curls and I’m done there. Shrinkage is a real thing. When I pull my hair to check the length I’m always overcome with glee. I take care of the basics and make sure that I’m presentable. I pull a pair of pants from the closet and a blouse. Doing this the night before doesn’t resonate until I need to…

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