A Different Kind Of Talk

Modern relationships can be complicated to explain to children

I am the mother of two girls, eight and five.

The eight-year-old is incredibly smart and very observant of people’s emotions, whereas my five-year-old is still quite small, she’s also more independent and “inside her own little world”.

My older daughter is starting to become aware and inquisitive about sex and relationships. My husband and I have always been quite open and honest with the girls about sex and sexuality, so her questions now are very honest and true, rather than stunted, coming from a place of embarrassment.

A few months back, she asked some questions about my body that led me to believe that she wanted to know more about sex. I had my husband take Ms 5 to the park so that Ms 8 and I could have some alone time. She and I made milkshakes and sat out on our back deck.

I explained some of the basics of sex and physiology to her. As any parent knows, there’s no need at that age to get into the gritty details, but sometimes kids say the darndest things.

Just after explaining to her that sex isn’t just about making babies, it’s also something that you do to be closer to someone you love and because it feels nice, she dropped the question that I’d not been anticipating:

“Mummy, do you and Daddy have sex a lot?”

Obviously, because of my husband’s physical situation, the true answer was that no, we didn’t, but how do you explain that to an eight-year-old who you’ve just told that sex is something you share with someone you love and because you enjoy it?

So, I did what any parent caught off guard did, I lied.

“Well sweetie, we enjoy spending time together by ourselves and sometimes that includes sex.”

She took that answer with a nod and smile, but I felt awkward about it because it wasn’t the truth.

I have a very healthy and active sex life and it’s important to me as a person. I felt some shame in having to lie to my daughter about it because the answer would have been too hard to explain to a…

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